When this is all over……

I’m going to see my son

When this is all over

I’m never going to complain about the school run again. Or moan about the morning argument’s over hair and tights, the smell of French toast and the mad rush to find that bloody shoe. I can’t wait to see my little girl run to meet her friends in the playground and giggle at their shared secrets…….and then wait for her at the end of school with a slushie.

When this is all over.

I’m going to walk to work in the sunshine. Breath in the fresh air and just stop rushing around…..battling time…

When this Is all over.

I’m going to a festival and dance bare foot in the grass, the sun beating down on my skin, and dance until midnight in the summer night heat with Catherine

When this is all over

I’m going to eat Nando’s, then Mc Donald’s, the Nando’s again

When this is all over

I’m going to go glamping with the girls (and Tom). We will cook by the fire, laugh until it hurts and get all emotional with each other when the rum and coke kicks in. Kerry will worry about the dirt, Wills will do all the cooking, Tom will think he has been bitten by…anything and Becky will tell us funny stories about her Dad

When this is all over

I will hug my best friend and tell her that her daughter will be OK and that I will never ghost again

When this is all over

I will let him take me to see the Lion King and discuss what area of London has the best grime artist

When this is all over

I’m going to visit the beach more often, sit outside a bar and watch the world go by, talk to strangers about their dogs, drink milkshakes in the sun and learn to roller skate again.

I will argue with my boss about all the little things, give him cold cokes and tell him when to stop and breath

When this is all over

I will never complain about going to work or what office I have. I will never allow anger to consume me over things I can’t change and I will tell people that they are doing a good job when they are

When this is all over

I’m going to watch a opera, see Stormzy live, go to a speed garage rave and have a BBQ for all my people

When this is all over

I’m going to get my MA

When this all over

I’m going to Worthing to see a good friend

When this is all over

I’m going to go home. To the place I have been running from for so long. The place where I need to put some demons to rest. But I will no longer go back with fear. I will go back and embrace SW London with Love and be thankful that I have the chance to say a final goodbye

When this is all over

I’m going to celebrate her son coming home with her

When this is all over

I’m going to cry. Cry for the ones that have been lost. The ones who have left children behind who may never have had the chance to say goodbye. I’m going to make sure that every child I work with knows that I thought of them during this time and although I may not have been physically able to support them…I am here now

When this is over

I’m going to tell the newly qualified nurse Kat Lamb that I am proud of her, and that she was the best person for the job

When this is all over

I am going to remember who was there for me

When this is all over

I am going to check in with my neighbours, stop holding grudges and tell the bin men that I appreciate what they are doing

When this is over

I’m going lay in my bed and listen to Gabbie laugh way to loud late at night whilst she is watching TV in my living room.

When this is over

I’m going to see my son and hold him. I’m going to cry when I do so because it will have been months since I have held him, and no mummas heart can take that. I’m going to tell him thank you for …..well….everything. I’m going to cook him jerk chicken and get him these tiny little cakes he likes. I’m going to tell him I miss him. So much. And I am proud of him.

When this is all over

I’m going to stop feeling alone

When this is all over

I’m going to allow myself to remember what I have been through

When this is all over

I am going to stop being her best friend, her play partner, her teacher, her nurse, her enemy, her SEN support, the emotional punch bag for her fears and go back to being her Mummy

When this is all over

I’m going to make sure my children are never put on this position again

When this is all over

I’m going to see my son